I discovered I like men after I married- Married woman shares story

When it comes to marriage, there are many reasons to be careful and wise when choosing who you want to spend the rest of your life with because of the least mistake and you find yourself sinking in the pool of regret and disgust — questioning the importance of the institution of marriage and what love really is.

On today’s coverage of our weekly love stories — we bring to your way a surreal narration of a 28-year-old married man who discovered he liked men after he got married — he’s bisexual for your information.


Without much I do let’s get right into the full gist below;

When I was 18, I had s*x with my best friend. We were in university at the time and had never had s*x or made out with anyone. We decided to try it out and it was disastrous, to say the least. 

I didn’t know what to do. I had never watched porn, barely watched s*x scenes in movies. She was just as clueless. We ended up making out all night and that was really nice. Every other thing was so nice. 

After that long night of countless s*x, we agreed to never try it again but, instead, help each other learn about s*x and find other people to experiment with. So, we both started watching porn and reading books, which, ironically, led us astray. 

There’s a lot of misleading information about s*x out there. Porn was one of our primary materials, and from watching porn, you’d assume that men and women came at the exact same time. Or that foreplay wasn’t as important as s*x. Suffice to say, all the s*x I was having between the ages of 18 and 20 was nonsense.


It took finding someone more experienced than I was to actually enjoy it. She was an older woman — I think five years older — and we met through my best friend. We had similar interests and became quick friends. One thing led to another, and she invited me over to her house.

The first thing we did was make out and then have s*x. I had my first orgasm at the age of 20, and it was amazing. For the rest of that weekend, I stayed over at her place and we kept having s*x. 

She recognized how bad I was because she was very patient with me and eager to make me come — at the expense of her own orgasms. However, she eventually lost her patience and started teaching me how to make her come. After this point, I went to her house almost every other weekend and we’d have s*x throughout. It was like I was doing weekend lessons. Every weekend, I learned something new. 

In my head, it felt like the key to having great s*x was having it with older women. So after we ended things — she started dating someone her age who was rich and definitely more experienced — I decided I wanted to start dating again. And so, I went for another older woman who eventually became my wife. 

She was six years older and I was 22 by by then.

During the early stages of meeting her, it all started as a friendship, although I had the hugest crush on her. She said she could never date someone who was six years younger than she was, especially since she was ready to settle down. I agreed to be just friends, but I told her to try to keep an open mind. 

We were friends for like two years before anything happened between us. In the meantime, I was meeting up with other women and having subpar s*x. For one reason or the other, it never worked out with these women. Either they weren’t good enough, or we weren’t attracted to each other. 

In my head, I knew that if I just had s*x with this 28-year-old woman, I would get back what I used to have with the other older woman. I should mention that during this time, that first older woman came back to me for a bit — she and her boyfriend broke up and she needed someone’s shoulders to lean on. I was there for her emotionally and physically. 

She didn’t know at the time. She didn’t need to know, anyway, because we were not involved sexually or emotionally. Eventually, sometime around the time, I turned 24, she told me she was ready to give me a chance.


That was how we started dating. We didn’t even date for long before we got married. We dated for six months. 

To be honest, I wasn’t ready but she was and I was afraid that I’d lose her if I didn’t propose to her soon. Besides, we had known each other for longer. So it didn’t feel like I didn’t know her or that we were rushing. 

Another reason, though, is that she was celibate. She was saving herself for marriage and because we were dating, I had to be celibate as well. Those six months was torture. I proposed to her in the sixth month and within a month, we were married.

I’m still so shocked that I got married so quickly because it wasn’t in my plan. But I love her and was willing to do anything to make her happy. 

One of the most interesting things is that during our time together, never did the issue of age difference come up. Her parents were supportive, and so were mine. Well, I do look older than she does. It helped that our parents actually knew each other before we even became friends. Her mum and my mum had worked together when they were younger. 

It was and is still so good. She is a freak in the sheets. Parts of her that she had carefully hidden from me came out, and I was pleasantly surprised. The best part of it was that she was open to trying new things, which was one thing I had been afraid of. I had been having mediocre s*x, except for a few exceptions. So I felt that I needed to experiment more. Unfortunately, it was at the same time that I wanted to begin experimenting that she told me she was ready. 

I had to put everything aside to date her. S*x was off limits while were dating, so there went my experiments. 

One time, she suggested that we watch porn, and I was like, no, I don’t do that — because of my history with porn, I wasn’t into it again. Anyway, she cajoled me and we watched a really good one. She has really good taste in porn, which is shocking. She asked me if I’d be open to a threesome, and I casually said yes. Lowkey, I was screaming “HELL YES” in my head. 

We tried a threesome with my best friend from university, and she was so into it. We decided to make it a regular thing. I think twice a month. After a while, she suggested she was bored of threesomes with just women and asked if I’d be interested in having a man in the equation. My first instinct was to say no. But eventually, I was like, “Yeah, sure, but only once”. And that once was a really defining moment for my s*x life. 


I enjoyed it so much and became infatuated with the guy who joined us — her friend. I was going to keep this to myself, but I decided it would be good to tell her how I felt. I first asked her if her interest in s*x with women meant she was bisexual and she told me she doesn’t do labels. That is literally what she says about everything. 

I told her how I felt about her friend, and she was like she’s always suspected that I was into men. I was quite shocked because it had never occurred to me that I could be into men. There was a level of maturity with which she handled the conversation that even I don’t have. 

At first, I thought I could never be into men and it was partly because of homophobia. I felt that to be straight was “normal”. I unlearned that as a married man. 

She asked if I wanted to explore, that she didn’t mind. I told her no oh, that I can never cheat on her. She told me she was literally giving me the permission, that she’d rather I not cheat on her. And so I eventually had solo sex with him and, gosh, it was amazing. 

It was also confusing: it had taken me so long to learn about s*x with women, now I had to do it all over again with men. Well, I didn’t have to, but I thought I had to. So in the beginning, I did nothing about it and we went on with our lives as normal. But it now began to seem like our s*x life was missing something. 

So I made the mistake of cheating. I would go out on dates with other men and lie that I was working late or something. I don’t know why I felt the need to lie, because she would have understood. Eventually, I got caught. 

We had our first huge fight, which took forever to settle. When we did settle it though, we agreed that I had to be more honest with her and that I could date other men, but only have one male sex partner at a time. 

Oh yeah, it went really well. I started dating someone recently and somehow, having s*x with him has really been good for my sex life with my wife. I don’t know how to explain it, but it felt like something was rekindled between us and the sex just became a lot better. 

In the wake of my s*xcapades with a man, my s*x life grew impressively and it was a 10/10 score whenever I got into the sheets with my wife. With my boyfriend, maybe 6/10. I’m still learning work here.

About my boyfriend, I don’t love him that much — not yet. And I don’t think I can love anyone the way I love my wife, but I also really enjoy exploring my sexuality. It feels like I’m actually living for the first time. 

By Kwesi Appiah

Appiah Kwesi Anokye Dennis Jnr, professionally known as Kwesi Appiah is a Ghanaian celebrity blogger and writer.

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